30 Oct Manning to Favre: “Kiss your interception record goodbye, bro!”
In perhaps the last year of his illustrious and prolific career, 5-time NFL MVP Peyton Manning has one goal above all else in mind to cap his career.
“I have almost every passing record you can name. Most touchdowns ever. 55 TDs in a year? That’s me. But to be considered the greatest quarterback of all-time, I need them all! And there is one record that I’m coming at with all the fury my numb fingertips can muster and that’s my man Brett Favre’s interception record of 336,” he stated as he ate a slice of Papa John’s mushroom and sausage pizza.
“I’m 92 picks behind right now so I’ve got some work to do, but I have to say the 2015 season has been off to a successful start.”
When told interceptions thrown in two-hand-touch football games played next to a tractor would not count towards the Wrangler-jeans-wearing Favre’s career INT total, Manning became even more confident. “Awesome! I didn’t know that. That means I only have to average 9.3 interceptions per game the rest of the season. Have you seen my deep throws this year? They are a thing of beauty as they flutter into the cornerback’s arms,” as he opened up a second cup of Papa John’s tasty garlic sauce.
“It’s perfect. My defense is as kick-ass as this banana pepper so I can turn it over all game long like my lil’ brother and still get the W.”
“Look, this is my 18th season, and as fun as it is to throw a wobbler to Demaryius Thomas for a TD, it gives me more joy to see the happy faces of the guys picking me off. I get calls and texts from the agents of those defensive guys all of the time, just thanking me for changing people’s lives. Plus, I’m inching closer and closer to #4 so it’s really a win-win for everyone.”
As he got up to go to a meeting, Manning said one more thing. “Tell Brett he better have his interception record covered by Nationwide, because I’m coming to break it!”